If you asked me a few weeks ago if I was ready to go back to new york, my answer would have been yes. absolutely. positively. yes.
If you asked me today? well I’d be torn. I’m torn because the past few weeks have been some of the best weeks with the best people and I’m not ready to part from that.
In high school I never felt like I was getting the high school experience that is so prevelant on tv shows, movies, and the instagrams and snap stories of the few friends I had who attended public school. I stayed in mostly, mainly due to my inability to drive (and let’s be real my love for netflix) and generally wasnt very social outside of school. Due to the fact that this is most likely my last full summer at home and my friends a year younger than me are getting ready to head out to college for the first time, the past few weeks have been spent with getting together with people and enjoying ourselves for one last time.
I had friends over for my Moonrise Kingdom themed birthday party and we talked, listened to music, roasted smores, and caught up with one another. I wish I had pictures to show y’all but it was the perfect way to spend my birthday. For our last hoorah my friends Jess and Sydney hosted a Beatles themed murder mystery party out on our friend’s farm. It was hot, it smelled very much like a farm, basically no one had any idea what they were doing, but we were carefree, and we were too loud, and we had too much energy, and we were being young.
Sometimes i forget that.
i am young.
I haven’t even been 19 for a full week yet. I have an entire life of adventures before me, and as exciting as they may be, I should be in no rush to get to them. New york really knows how to make a person grow up, fast.
Here I am getting ready for next semester setting up internships, trying to figure out my budget and how much to allocate for groceries and transportation, thinking about if I want to go to grad school or what I want to do in life and how to get there. I’m notorious for thinking 10 years ahead and being mature for my age. while I love new york, the people, the experiences and opportunities, the sights and sounds, I desperately need these nights with friends at the farm, or the afternoons at the pool, or the mornings cooking with Jess at my house.
I need to watch dumb videos with my friends while the guys try to explain to me the difference between a doggo and a pupper (not to be confused with a doge, my generation is weird y’all).
I need to not give a shit sometimes.
I need to be more open with people and invest time in my friends.
I need to be young, and relaxed, and dare I say a little reckless.
I'm so glad that I got to make some amazing memories with amazing people, and I'm grateful that I remembered to document some of it. I want to remember belting at the top of our lungs and dancing in a dark kitchen, I want to remember the short lived pick-up basketball games, I want to remember holding your hand, I want to remember the unbelievable story involving a snake, a pigeon, and a rabbit.
I may be a little biased, but my people are the best people. I know that we'll always have facebook and snapchat and whatever other social media outlet that decides to pop up between now and forever, but I love my friends and the way they make me feel, and I don't want to leave them–at least not yet.