I saw a tweet asking whether people preferred cities or small towns, and my thought was cities because they can feel like both. There is no lack of energy living in Manhattan. The fast pace, constant noise and internal drive. This city is exciting. This city doesn't wait for anyone. It has its own agenda, one that often conflicts with everyone else's in the form of constant construction, MTA delays, or slow moving tourists. But this city knows how to take a break and slow all. the. way. down.Read More
Hi, Hello! For those of you who don't follow me on instagram, I'm back in New York and my sophomore year here at NYU is currently underway. It's been about two and a half weeks since I got back and plenty has already happened. I moved into my new place in Soho, was on the media team for NYU's massive Welcome Week, started my internship at Bombas, and started classes.
I thought I was ready to get back into the swing of things, especially after my lackluster summer, but boy was I wrong. In the past few weeks I have struggled like no other.
I've felt physically exhausted despite sleeping eight hours a night and eating healthy. I've managed to lose enough weight where my jeans are too loose and my shorts slide around my hips. I've had to remind myself to breathe and calm myself down to prevent me from crying, going into full panic/anxiety mode, or to steady my hand enough to legibly write my name on the damn sign-in sheet.
While these weeks have been some of the most challenging ones yet, they've also been filled with new friends, dinner parties, cooking healthy meals and having lunch in the park, wonderful professors and classes that I think I'll really enjoy. And when my body randomly decides that 6:30am is the perfect time to wake up, which has happened multiple times, then I get to enjoy some quiet mornings and sunrises, too.
This whole growing up and taking on more responsibilities while trying to figure out who you are and what you want in life is quite a demanding, and lengthy, process. I am currently going between feeling like I can do it all, and second guessing every move I make. I'm working on figuring out what forms of self-care help me the most (if you have any suggestions, please let me know!) because at this rate, I'll be burnt to a crisp before halloween.
I want to push myself to write or talk more about my struggles and shortcomings because I find that being vulnerable is a very powerful thing. Who knows if those writings will ever make it to the blog, or if they'll ever be written in the first place.
If you feel like you're struggling, know that I am too. And that's okay.
If you asked me a few weeks ago if I was ready to go back to new york, my answer would have been yes. absolutely. positively. yes.
If you asked me today? well I’d be torn. I’m torn because the past few weeks have been some of the best weeks with the best people and I’m not ready to part from that.
In high school I never felt like I was getting the high school experience that is so prevelant on tv shows, movies, and the instagrams and snap stories of the few friends I had who attended public school. I stayed in mostly, mainly due to my inability to drive (and let’s be real my love for netflix) and generally wasnt very social outside of school. Due to the fact that this is most likely my last full summer at home and my friends a year younger than me are getting ready to head out to college for the first time, the past few weeks have been spent with getting together with people and enjoying ourselves for one last time.
I had friends over for my Moonrise Kingdom themed birthday party and we talked, listened to music, roasted smores, and caught up with one another. I wish I had pictures to show y’all but it was the perfect way to spend my birthday. For our last hoorah my friends Jess and Sydney hosted a Beatles themed murder mystery party out on our friend’s farm. It was hot, it smelled very much like a farm, basically no one had any idea what they were doing, but we were carefree, and we were too loud, and we had too much energy, and we were being young.
Sometimes i forget that.
i am young.
I haven’t even been 19 for a full week yet. I have an entire life of adventures before me, and as exciting as they may be, I should be in no rush to get to them. New york really knows how to make a person grow up, fast.
Here I am getting ready for next semester setting up internships, trying to figure out my budget and how much to allocate for groceries and transportation, thinking about if I want to go to grad school or what I want to do in life and how to get there. I’m notorious for thinking 10 years ahead and being mature for my age. while I love new york, the people, the experiences and opportunities, the sights and sounds, I desperately need these nights with friends at the farm, or the afternoons at the pool, or the mornings cooking with Jess at my house.
I need to watch dumb videos with my friends while the guys try to explain to me the difference between a doggo and a pupper (not to be confused with a doge, my generation is weird y’all).
I need to not give a shit sometimes.
I need to be more open with people and invest time in my friends.
I need to be young, and relaxed, and dare I say a little reckless.
I'm so glad that I got to make some amazing memories with amazing people, and I'm grateful that I remembered to document some of it. I want to remember belting at the top of our lungs and dancing in a dark kitchen, I want to remember the short lived pick-up basketball games, I want to remember holding your hand, I want to remember the unbelievable story involving a snake, a pigeon, and a rabbit.
I may be a little biased, but my people are the best people. I know that we'll always have facebook and snapchat and whatever other social media outlet that decides to pop up between now and forever, but I love my friends and the way they make me feel, and I don't want to leave them–at least not yet.